Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
