She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
