yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
