i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
