I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
