Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's official drugs can't kill me
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
