allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
