oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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