First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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