i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
