1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
