so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
