At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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