My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
