Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
