$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
