You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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