i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
