if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
