This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
