He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
