think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
