There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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