I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
