I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
