Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
