come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
