I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
