I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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