It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
