Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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