can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
