dude i'm inner monologue high
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
