i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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