just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
