I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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