You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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