You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
