I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
