Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
