my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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