he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
