Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
