my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
