So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
