he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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