so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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