i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
