I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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