This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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